You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
