NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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