Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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