You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
