Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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