Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize