Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
