I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
