And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
