was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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