Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
