I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
