I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
