3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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