At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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