I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
