so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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