why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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