why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
