margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
