How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
