I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize