I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
