walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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