ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
