my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
