Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
