Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
one might say we're banned from that church
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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