i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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