I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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