oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
