I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
