my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
