I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
