She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no you cant smoke seaweed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
