I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
