didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
