I want to have your abortion
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
