Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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