In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
