If i come over, it means nothing
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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