you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Vodka?
Forever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
