I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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