I hate all girls vehemently.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
