So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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