my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize