bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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