ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
