my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
