i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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