i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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