She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
