I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you will always have a special place in my vag
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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