The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
