Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
