he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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