My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
