The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize