Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
