Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
