the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
