Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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