Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
