My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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