I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
