I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize