meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
