Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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