Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize