I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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