He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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