I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
