mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
