I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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