Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
