so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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