i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
In America we eat man semen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
