im having a threesome with these popsicles
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
