i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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