Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
