it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize