does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh god it's open bar.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
