i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
