I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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