i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
