I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
