my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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