they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
nutella sex= disaster
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
