I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
