i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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