Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
